Diamonds and Sparkles and Gold, Oh My!
The next thing I want to write about is how my deconstruction journey began. The problem is... I can't point to a single point in time as the beginning. So I am going to write about one of the first major things that changed for me, and that was my beliefs about jewelry.
Now, I had been raised such that jewelry was out of the question, except for a simple wedding band in certain circumstances. (In general even a wedding band was an unnecessary extravagance, but if one of the spouses worked in an environment with "worldly" people who would try to make advances on them, a wedding band was acceptable as a signal that one was "taken".) However, I had always had a fascination with jewelry, whether simply because it was forbidden or because it is sparkly, I can't say. My mom had gone through a "rebellious" phase in her young adulthood and had a jewelry box with some old earrings, her engagement watch, and a few necklaces and rings, and often I would go in her room to look at the things in the box and wonder why they were in our house. Once I found a ring in her box and stole it, sneaking it on at school. One summer during camp meeting I found a small wooden cross on a cord and wore it around my neck during my earliteen camp meetings, careful to take it off when I left so my parents wouldn't see. For my 13th birthday I invited some friends from my public school over, and one girl gave me some jewelry including a necklace with a large, bejeweled "R" for my initial. I was secretly delighted to have some jewelry and planned to hide it away and wear it at school. However, after my birthday party I never saw them again -- my mom stole them (and probably threw them away) because she knew I would try to wear them. All this is to highlight the strictness with which jewelry was forbidden at my house and the fascination I always had with it.
In my upbringing, someone who wore jewelry was a "non-Adventist", or possibly a very new Adventist. Thus, if you were grocery shopping and noticed someone without a speck of jewelry, they were likely to be an Adventist. Conversely, if someone came to church wearing jewelry, they obviously either "didn't know better" or were in rebellion.
After college I got a job as an Adventist teacher at a small school with a small church. Throughout my time as a teacher, I continued to be very spiritual and deeply committed to my conservative Adventist values. I was also exposed to different kinds of Adventists than I had been up to that point. So, here I am as a young adult in a small, conservative Adventist church, where some prominent members wear jewelry and are fine with their kids wearing jewelry at my school. Additionally, I knew them to have been born and raised in the SDA church and to be good, committed Christians. You can see why I was puzzled and did not know how to reconcile this at first.
This experience caused me to re-evaluate why I believed as I did regarding jewelry. As I thought and studied about it more, I realized that yes, in certain Old Testament instances God asked the Israelites to remove their jewelry to show contrition, humility, etc.; and excessive jewelry is associated with harlots.† But the rest of the time, it was normal to wear some jewelry and God never gave a commandment against it generally. In the New Testament, the restrictions are based on Paul's and Peter's statements about modesty and the value of moral character over outward appearance.‡ But Adventists don't forbid braided hair or makeup, so it can't just be about natural beauty and modesty. Is based on not flaunting your wealth? Nobody in the Adventist church seems to be banning name-brand clothing, or smart phones and smart watches, and frankly, most jewelry worn on a daily basis is way less expensive than any of these.
The final straw for me came when I was trying on a blouse I had owned for quite some time, but I rarely ever wore it. The blouse was nice enough, but for some reason I just did not like how it looked it on me. And I thought: a long pendant-style necklace would make this blouse look great! It was simply a matter of styling. It needed something more, and a necklace was that something. I bought a long necklace for $25 and loved the way it brought the outfit together.
I realized at this point that a necklace is just a style/fashion tool. There is no real biblical basis for banning all jewelry. Furthermore, if you do use the Bible to ban jewelry, you should also be banning a lot of other expensive, frivolous things, and no one does that. Therefore, I concluded that God is okay with me wearing jewelry.
At the time, being an Adventist teacher, I'm pretty sure it was technically in my contract that I couldn't wear jewelry, so I still basically abstained (except for when I wore that one blouse). After I quit teaching, I went as a student missionary again where I also could not wear jewelry, but that was fine. I don't need to wear jewelry. I can; it is permissible for me. But if the organization I was part of asked that I didn't, I was okay with that as well... for a while.
Now I am not employed by any Adventist organization. About two years ago I got my ears pierced (at age 30). I now wear earrings every day (mostly to keep my holes from closing). I enjoy having a few pairs of fun earrings, as well as the practical, everyday studs I wear. I used to wear a necklace most days, but I have found that I actually do not like the feeling of it around my neck.
As described above, I was basically raised to believe that not wearing jewelry made me a holier, better Christian than someone who did wear it. Without ever thinking about it, I looked down on someone who wore jewelry and truly believed I was better than them in some way. I was also hyper-fixated on whether or not people were wearing jewelry and it was one of the first things I would notice about someone.
Now that I do wear jewelry, I honestly do not think about it that much. I do not notice whether people are wearing it or not. People are just... people. Fellew humans. I am far less judgmental of others than before. I am not better than anyone because I wear or don't wear jewelry. It has given me so much more freedom to not have jewelry as an issue. I believe I can be a better Christian and a better human because I wear jewelry than I was before. For that reason, I do not remove my jewelry when I go to an Adventist church or see friends from my missionary days, nor when I was attending an Adventist college. I want other Adventists to be less judgmental of jewelry and find the freedom that I have found.
It is for this reason that, if I ever find myself working for an Adventist institution again (perhaps as a science professor), I will continue to wear jewelry. It is high time the church focus more on what really matters -- loving people -- and I believe that can be better accomplished by wearing jewelry.
~R
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† Old Testament references: Genesis 35:2-4; Exodus 33:3-6; Isaiah 3:16-24; Hosea 2:13.
‡ New Testament references: 1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:1-4.